i permit you to call me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
