well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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