I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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