from now on my penis is your penis
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
