The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I deserve this hangover.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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