I will die if light touches me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
