I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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