If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
