I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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