Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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