just tell him i said nine months
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize