This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
