If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
