I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
