He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
