I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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