ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
