the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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