I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
