we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
