Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
