i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
