oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
