It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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