one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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