He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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