Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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