worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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