You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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