but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
