i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
