Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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