Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My ATM looks so different sober.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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