U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
