My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
