I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
