dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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