Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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