lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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