oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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