I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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