He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My vagina is very pro this idea
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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