I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
