I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
