I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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