That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
