put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
