Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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