I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm like, not good at living.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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