You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Randomize