I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My ATM looks so different sober.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
