I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
