i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
