She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
