i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
