I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
