ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
