She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
