He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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