I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
