I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it hurts more in the daytime
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
