Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
