I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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