ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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