is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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